16 Classic Excuses Narcissists Use When They Get Caught

Narcissists are masters of manipulation, especially when cornered. They employ a variety of excuses to deflect responsibility and maintain control over situations. Recognizing these tactics is crucial in understanding and dealing with narcissistic behavior.

This article delves into 16 common excuses used by narcissists when they are caught in wrongdoing. By understanding these phrases, one can better navigate interactions with narcissists and protect oneself from emotional manipulation.

1. “You’re being too sensitive.”

Narcissists often dismiss feelings with, “You’re being too sensitive.” This tactic shifts the focus from their actions to the other’s emotional response. It invalidates legitimate feelings, making the victim question their reality. By labeling the reaction as excessive, the narcissist avoids acknowledging their hurtful behavior.

This excuse serves to undermine confidence, leaving the individual feeling overly emotional and irrational. Suddenly, the spotlight is on the person’s sensitivity rather than the narcissist’s actions. Such manipulation can lead to doubt and self-blame, further entrenching the narcissist’s control.

The phrase is designed to silence dissent, ensuring that the real issue remains unaddressed. It’s a classic move to dodge accountability and maintain power in the relationship.

2. “You’re twisting my words.”

“You’re twisting my words” is a favored phrase among narcissists to shift blame. By accusing the other person of misinterpretation, they dodge responsibility. This tactic makes it seem like a misunderstanding rather than a deliberate act.

It confuses the situation, leaving the other person questioning their own perceptions. The narcissist portrays themselves as the victim of miscommunication, turning the tables on their accuser.

This method effectively clouds the issue, ensuring the focus is on supposed misinterpretation rather than the narcissist’s behavior. This excuse is a strategic move to maintain the upper hand. It’s about creating chaos and uncertainty, allowing the narcissist to escape unscathed while the other person grapples with confusion.

3. “That’s not what happened.”

With “That’s not what happened,” a narcissist rewrites reality to suit their narrative. This phrase is a direct challenge to the accuser’s version of events, suggesting a different truth. It throws doubt on the situation, making the other person question their memory and judgment.

The narcissist’s confidence in delivering this excuse can create confusion, eroding trust in one’s own perceptions. By refuting the sequence of events, they skillfully redirect the conversation. This tactic is about control—shaping the story so they emerge unblemished.

It’s a powerful way to dismiss accusations and maintain their self-image. The aim is to cloud the truth, ensuring the narcissist’s version prevails.

4. “Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Everyone makes mistakes” is a classic way narcissists minimize their actions. By normalizing the wrongdoing, they dilute its impact. This excuse suggests that their behavior is part of a universal pattern, thus deflecting individual responsibility.

It trivializes the issue, implying that it’s not worth the fuss. The phrase is designed to downplay the severity of their actions, encouraging the other person to move on. It’s a strategic attempt to seek leniency and forgiveness without genuine remorse.

The aim is to sweep the incident under the rug, diverting attention away from the narcissist’s specific faults. This tactic fosters a sense of shared humanity, masking the manipulation at play.

5. “You always do this—bring up the past.”

By saying, “You always do this—bring up the past,” narcissists deflect attention from present issues. This tactic paints the accuser as fixated on outdated grievances, shifting focus away from current behavior. It suggests that holding onto past events is unreasonable, even when those events are relevant.

The phrase aims to invalidate legitimate concerns by framing them as unnecessary dredging of old issues. It’s a means to dodge accountability, suggesting that the accuser is dwelling too much on history.

This approach not only sidesteps current responsibilities but also undermines the accuser’s credibility. The tactic is about redirecting the narrative, ensuring the narcissist remains free from scrutiny.

6. “I only did that because I care.”

The excuse “I only did that because I care” is a manipulative tactic narcissists use to disguise control as concern. By framing their actions as loving, they mask underlying manipulative intentions. This phrase seeks to justify intrusive or harmful behavior as being in the other’s best interest.

It distorts the lines between caring and controlling, making the victim question their own boundaries. Such an excuse is designed to shift the narrative from one of manipulation to one of misguided affection.

It’s a clever move to maintain influence while painting themselves as the benevolent party. The aim is to confuse genuine concern with coercion, ensuring their dominance remains unchallenged.

7. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I didn’t mean it like that” is a common refrain for narcissists looking to escape blame. This phrase suggests that any offense was accidental, placing the burden of misinterpretation on the other person. It shifts the focus from intent to perception, creating a fog of misunderstanding.

By insisting on a benign intention, the narcissist dodges accountability, portraying themselves as misunderstood. This excuse is about blurring the lines, making it difficult to pin down responsibility. It’s a clever way to deflate criticism, moving the conversation away from the narcissist’s actions.

The goal is to maintain a veneer of innocence, while subtly undermining the legitimacy of the accuser’s feelings.

8. “You’re overthinking everything.”

Narcissists often dismiss concerns by stating, “You’re overthinking everything.” This tactic minimizes legitimate issues, suggesting they are mere fabrications of an overactive mind. It shifts the narrative from one of genuine concern to unfounded anxiety.

By labeling the accuser as overly analytical, the narcissist discredits their perspective. This excuse is about creating doubt, making the other person question their judgment. It’s a strategic move to deflect the conversation away from the narcissist’s behavior.

The aim is to downplay the seriousness of the issue, ensuring the narcissist remains unchallenged. It’s a subtle form of gaslighting, designed to leave the other person second-guessing their instincts.

9. “I said I was sorry—what more do you want?”

When a narcissist declares, “I said I was sorry—what more do you want?” they aim to shut down further discussion. This phrase suggests that an apology should suffice, regardless of its sincerity. It shifts the burden back to the accuser, implying unreasonable demands for resolution.

The focus moves from genuine amends to the inadequacy of the other’s forgiveness. This tactic is about closing the dialogue, ensuring that the narcissist doesn’t have to dig deeper into their actions. It’s a strategic way to avoid further accountability, painting the accuser as demanding.

By framing the issue as resolved, the narcissist seeks to escape continued scrutiny while maintaining their façade of remorse.

10. “This is why I don’t open up.”

With the phrase, “This is why I don’t open up,” narcissists deflect criticism by portraying vulnerability. This tactic suggests that the accuser’s reaction is why the narcissist remains guarded. It shifts the blame for communication issues onto the other person, suggesting their reaction is too harsh.

The excuse paints the narcissist as a victim of misunderstanding, making the accuser feel guilty for their response. This method is about creating an emotional block, ensuring the focus is on the accuser’s perceived harshness.

It’s a clever way to dodge deeper accountability by shifting the narrative to one of self-protection. The aim is to maintain control while appearing defensively fragile.

11. “You’re not perfect either.”

“You’re not perfect either” is a classic deflection used by narcissists to redirect blame. By spotlighting the accuser’s flaws, they divert attention from their own behavior. This tactic suggests that everyone has faults, so the accuser has no right to point fingers.

It’s about creating a level playing field where no one is innocent. The phrase is designed to undermine the accuser’s position, making them feel hypocritical for calling out the narcissist. This excuse is about deflecting scrutiny, ensuring the conversation moves away from the narcissist’s actions.

It’s a strategic move to dilute the focus and maintain their own self-image. The goal is to equalize the situation, masking their manipulation.

12. “Let’s not talk about this now.”

When narcissists say, “Let’s not talk about this now,” they dodge immediate accountability. This phrase postpones the conversation, suggesting now is not the time to address the issue. It’s about delaying confrontation, hoping the problem will dissipate.

By avoiding the topic, they maintain control over the timing and nature of discussions. This tactic is designed to sidestep uncomfortable conversations, ensuring the narcissist doesn’t face immediate scrutiny. It’s a strategic move to avoid responsibility, keeping the focus off their actions.

The aim is to create a pause, during which emotions may cool, and the urgency of the issue might fade. It’s about maintaining their narrative and evading direct accountability.

13. “I don’t remember doing that.”

Narcissists often claim, “I don’t remember doing that,” to absolve themselves of blame. This excuse suggests forgetfulness rather than denial, making it difficult to hold them accountable. It shifts the focus from intent to recollection, creating uncertainty.

By claiming memory lapse, they escape direct confrontation, leaving the accuser with unresolved issues. This tactic is about creating a fog of ambiguity, ensuring the narcissist remains unchallenged. It’s a strategic move to dodge responsibility while avoiding outright denial.

The aim is to blur the lines of accountability, making it tough for the accuser to pin down the truth. It’s a clever way to maintain innocence, wrapped in a guise of forgetfulness.

14. “Why are you attacking me?”

“Why are you attacking me?” is a classic narcissistic tactic to shift the focus from their actions to the accuser’s approach. This phrase frames the accuser as aggressive, diverting attention from the narcissist’s behavior.

It’s a strategic move to paint themselves as the victim, altering the dynamics of the conversation. By highlighting perceived aggression, they shift the narrative, making the accuser the focal point. This excuse is about transforming the dialogue into one about tone rather than substance.

It’s a way to sidestep accountability while maintaining an air of innocence. The goal is to create defensiveness, ensuring the narcissist’s actions remain unscrutinized.

15. “You just want to blame me for everything.”

Narcissists use “You just want to blame me for everything” to turn the conversation around. This phrase suggests the accuser is unfairly targeting them, shifting focus from their actions. It’s a defensive move to avoid addressing real issues, painting the accuser as unreasonable.

By casting themselves as the target of undue blame, they dodge accountability. This tactic is about reframing the narrative, ensuring the conversation revolves around perceived persecution. It’s a strategic way to distract from specific grievances, maintaining their self-image.

The goal is to create guilt and defensiveness in the accuser, ensuring their actions remain unquestioned.

16. “I’m the one who always gets misunderstood.”

“I’m the one who always gets misunderstood” is a narcissistic ploy to refocus the narrative on their perceived victimhood. This phrase suggests that the problem lies in others’ inability to understand them, not their actions. It’s a clever way to deflect blame, painting themselves as perpetually misinterpreted.

This tactic shifts the focus from behavior to perception, ensuring the conversation is about understanding rather than accountability. By claiming perpetual misunderstanding, they avoid facing the consequences of their actions.

It’s a strategic move to evoke sympathy, ensuring the accuser feels guilty for their supposed lack of comprehension. The aim is to maintain control while preserving their self-image.