32 Ways a Narcissist Acts When Things Don’t Go As They Planned

Ever seen a narcissist not get their way? Oh, it’s a spectacle. One moment, they’re charming, confident, and totally in control. The next? Cue the silent treatment, the gaslighting, the guilt trips, or the sudden “woe is me” act that conveniently makes them the victim.

The truth is, narcissists don’t handle disappointment like the rest of us. Instead of processing setbacks with maturity, they react—and not just any reaction. We’re talking full-blown manipulation tactics, emotional meltdowns, and blame games that somehow make you the bad guy.

So what exactly happens when a narcissist doesn’t get what they want? Here are 32 ways they respond when their plans fall apart—and trust me, it’s a masterclass in toxic behavior. 

1. Blame Game

When things go awry, a narcissist often shifts into blame mode faster than you can say ‘not my fault.’ They might start pointing fingers at everyone else, conveniently sidestepping their part in the whole debacle. It’s like watching a live-action episode of a blame-shifting soap opera.

You see, taking responsibility isn’t exactly their forte. It’s always someone else’s fault, whether that’s their partner, their colleague, or the poor barista who dared to make an imperfect latte. It’s their way of maintaining that pristine self-image.

For someone on the receiving end, it might feel frustrating to have the blame unjustly thrown your way. But remember, it’s more about their insecurity than your supposed failings. Keep your cool, and maybe suggest a calming tea break. Who knows, it might just turn that blame game into a moment of reflection, even if for just a second.

2. Silent Treatment

Oh, the good old silent treatment—a classic move in the narcissist’s playbook. When they don’t get their way, they might suddenly zip their lips, refusing to engage in conversation. It’s like being in a room with a human-sized ice cube.

This tactic can be baffling and frustrating, especially if you value open communication. It’s their way of regaining control, sending you into a spiral of wondering what you did wrong. Communication gets replaced by an awkward silence, leaving you to decode the unspoken messages.

Don’t let it pull you into a guessing game. Acknowledge the silence, but don’t feel compelled to fill it with words of apology or frantic explanations. Instead, take a deep breath, and continue with your day. The world doesn’t stop just because someone decides not to talk.

3. Outburst of Anger

When plans crumble, so might the narcissist’s composure. A sudden outburst of anger is often their way of expressing disappointment—a loud, dramatic display that can catch you off guard. It’s their emotional fireworks, and boy, do they light up the room.

The intensity of their reaction can be overwhelming, making it hard to respond calmly. It’s like trying to keep your cool while a storm rages around you.

Remember, their anger is more about their frustration with the situation than with you. Stay grounded, avoid responding with anger, and if possible, suggest cooling off for a bit. Sometimes, a little space can work wonders in calming those turbulent waters.

4. Playing the Victim

Oh, the drama! When things don’t pan out, a narcissist may slip into a victim role, painting themselves as the unfortunate soul in life’s grand play. It’s like watching an Oscar-worthy performance unfold right in front of you.

Their woes might be exaggerated, and they’ll expect you to offer sympathy and support. This isn’t just a cry for attention; it’s a strategy to divert focus from any responsibility they might have had.

For those around them, it’s crucial not to get swept away by the melodrama. Offer support if needed, but maintain your boundaries. It’s okay to empathize without taking on their burdens. Your role in this isn’t to fix everything but to remain a supportive friend.

5. Gaslighting Galore

Ever had your reality twisted? Enter gaslighting, the narcissist’s crafty tool for when things sour. They might insist that you’re the one misremembering events or overreacting, leaving you questioning your sanity.

It’s a mind-bending tactic, turning the tables and making you doubt your own perceptions. It’s like being in a psychological thriller with a plot twist you didn’t see coming.

To navigate this, trust your instincts. Keep a mental note of events as they happen, and don’t be afraid to stand firm in your reality. Remember, your mind is not a playground for their manipulation. Clear boundaries can help you stay grounded amid the confusion.

6. Excessive Flattery

When things take a turn for the worse, some narcissists switch to charm overdrive. You might suddenly find yourself awash in a sea of compliments, an unexpected tide of affection that seems too good to be true.

This isn’t necessarily a change of heart; it’s often a strategy to regain favor and keep the peace. They might go from zero to best friend in no time flat, hoping you’ll forget the earlier chaos.

While flattery can feel nice, remember to take it with a pinch of salt. Appreciate the kind words, but remain aware of the context. It’s fine to enjoy the moment, just don’t let it cloud your judgment about past behaviors.

7. Denial Drama

Oh yes, denial can be a grand performance. When reality doesn’t suit their narrative, a narcissist might simply reject it. You’ll find yourself in a surreal scene where facts are ignored, and truth becomes a flexible concept.

This isn’t just stubbornness; it’s a way of reshaping reality to fit their comfort zone. It’s like watching someone rewrite a script mid-performance, with everyone else expected to follow along.

In these moments, it’s important to stand by the facts. Stay calm and collected, and don’t get swayed by their alternate reality. Your role isn’t to convince them, but to remain steady in your truth. Let them have their drama while you keep it real.

8. Overcompensating Kindness

An unexpected surge of kindness might follow a narcissist’s upset plans. Suddenly they’re the epitome of generosity, showering everyone around with favors and gifts. It’s like an unexpected holiday, where you’re not quite sure how to react.

This behavior can be a form of overcompensation, a way to mask their unease and regain control over the narrative. It’s a mix of genuine gestures and strategic moves, and it can be both charming and perplexing.

While it’s nice to be on the receiving end of kindness, remember to enjoy it without losing sight of context. Appreciate the gestures, but keep an eye on the bigger picture. Genuine kindness doesn’t need to compensate, after all.

9. Disappearing Act

Sometimes, when plans derail, a narcissist might just vanish. It’s the disappearing act—a retreat into the shadows, leaving you wondering what on earth happened.

This withdrawal can be strategic, a way of avoiding confrontation or dealing with the fallout of their failed plans. It’s like they’ve pressed pause on reality, hoping it will all sort itself out without them.

If you find yourself facing empty space where a narcissist once stood, don’t chase. Let them have their moment of solitude. When they decide to return, they’ll do so on their terms. In the meantime, focus on your own needs and continue living your life.

10. Intense Criticism

When things don’t go as intended, a narcissist might lash out with intense criticism, turning their disappointment outward. Suddenly, everything and everyone is subject to scrutiny, even trivial matters.

This critique isn’t constructive; it’s a venting of frustration disguised as feedback. It’s like trying to enjoy a meal while someone critiques every ingredient and cooking technique involved.

Stay grounded amid the criticism whirlwind. Recognize it for what it is—a projection of their inner turmoil. Engage only if necessary, and don’t take it personally. Remember, this isn’t about you, it’s their reaction to unmet expectations.

11. Exaggerated Self-Pity

When life doesn’t play by their rules, some narcissists dive headfirst into a pool of self-pity. It’s a spectacle of exaggerated woes and melodrama, where their misfortune takes center stage.

Their tales might stretch the truth, pulling you into their narrative of endless misfortune. It’s a bid for sympathy, seeking validation and reassurance amidst the chaos.

For those watching, the challenge is to maintain empathy without getting lost in their narrative. Offer support, but keep your boundaries intact. It’s okay to listen and offer a shoulder to cry on, as long as you remember where their reality ends and yours begins.

12. Projection Games

Ah, projection—the art of casting one’s issues onto others. When plans falter, a narcissist might project their insecurities, fears, or failures onto you. Suddenly, you’re the one with the flaws they can’t seem to shake.

This isn’t about you; it’s a reflection of their inner struggles. It’s like watching a movie where the plot twist is always you, even when it doesn’t make sense.

To counteract this, stay self-aware and grounded. Recognize the projection for what it is—a defense mechanism. Don’t absorb these misplaced criticisms as truths about yourself. Keep your confidence intact, and let their projections roll off your back.

13. Emotional Withdrawal

When faced with failure, some narcissists retreat emotionally, shutting down and withdrawing into themselves. They become distant, a shadow of their usual self, leaving you feeling like you’re talking to a wall.

This withdrawal is often a protective mechanism, shielding them from vulnerability and the discomfort of reality. It’s like they’ve flipped an emotional switch, leaving you in the dark.

In these moments, patience is key. Give them space, but remain a steady presence. Let them know you’re there if they decide to reconnect. Sometimes, the best support is a quiet, understanding presence that doesn’t push or demand.

14. Overblown Optimism

When the chips are down, a narcissist might suddenly embrace overblown optimism, painting an almost cartoonishly rosy picture of the future. It’s like someone turned up the brightness on life, ignoring the shadows completely.

This optimism can feel forced, an exaggerated response to disappointment. It’s their way of regaining control, masking fears with a smile that might be a tad too wide.

Enjoy the positivity, but stay realistic. It’s great to have hope, but remember that balance is key. You don’t have to match their level of enthusiasm if it feels off. Keep your feet on the ground while they reach for the stars.

15. Triangulation Tactics

Triangulation involves drawing a third party into the mix, creating a dynamic of alliances and rivalries. It’s like adding a new player into an already complicated game.

A narcissist might use this tactic to divert attention, seeking validation from others while isolating the original party. It’s about control, positioning themselves as the puppet master of social interactions.

Navigate this by staying clear and direct. Avoid getting entangled in the web of manipulation, and communicate openly with all parties involved. Keep your relationships straightforward, refusing to play along with the triangle drama.

16. Love Bombing

Ah, love bombing—the art of overwhelming someone with affection and attention. When plans stumble, a narcissist might ramp up the charm, showering you with love and praise.

This isn’t just genuine affection; it’s a calculated move to regain control and keep you close. It’s like being in the spotlight, with the warmth of their attention as the main attraction.

Enjoy the affection, but stay aware. Appreciate the moment, but don’t lose sight of past behaviors. Genuine relationships are built on consistent love and respect, not just bursts of overwhelming attention when things go awry.

17. Feigned Ignorance

When confronted, a narcissist might resort to feigned ignorance, acting as if they have no idea what went wrong. It’s a blend of innocence and oblivion that can be both frustrating and confusing.

This tactic is a way of deflecting responsibility, shifting the focus away from their role in the situation. It’s like watching someone expertly dodge accountability, with a shrug and a smile.

Stay calm and composed. Don’t get drawn into trying to explain or justify. Recognize the tactic for what it is, and maintain your perspective. Truth doesn’t need to be shouted to be heard; sometimes, standing firm in your knowledge is enough.

18. Intimidation Attempts

When things unravel, a narcissist might resort to intimidation, using their presence and words to instill fear or compliance. It’s like facing a storm head-on, with a barrage of forceful energy aimed your way.

This isn’t about strength; it’s a projection of their internal chaos outward. They are trying to regain control over a situation that feels beyond their grasp.

Stand your ground. Confidence and calmness can often deflect the power of intimidation. Engage only if necessary, and remember that intimidation doesn’t define you. Your strength lies in your ability to remain unfazed and true to yourself.

19. Selective Amnesia

Oh, selective amnesia—where inconvenient facts and events are conveniently forgotten. A narcissist might claim they don’t remember certain agreements or promises, leaving you in a confusing fog.

This isn’t genuine forgetfulness; it’s a strategic move to sidestep accountability, creating gaps in your shared history. It’s as if past conversations never happened, rewritten in the blink of an eye.

Stay clear-headed. Keep records of important interactions, and don’t shy away from bringing up past agreements if needed. Facts don’t disappear just because someone chooses to forget them. Keeping a factual anchor will help you navigate this hazy terrain.

20. Public Displays of Discontent

When dissatisfaction bubbles over, a narcissist might put on a public show of discontent, making sure everyone witnesses their unhappiness. It’s like a theatrical performance, with the world as their stage.

This public airing of grievances is a way to garner sympathy and shift the narrative in their favor. With an audience, their plight seems larger than life, demanding attention and validation.

For everyone else, it’s important to stay grounded. Recognize the performance for what it is, and don’t get swept up in the dramatics. Maintain your composure, and address the situation privately if needed. Public displays are more about spectacle than substance.

21. Emotional Manipulation

Oh, emotional manipulation—where feelings become tools for control. A narcissist might use guilt, fear, or affection to sway your emotions, guiding you into their desired outcome.

This isn’t just persuasion; it’s an art form of playing with hearts and minds. It’s like being caught in a web of emotional threads, each pull and tug a calculated move.

Recognize manipulation for what it is. Trust your emotions, but be wary of sudden shifts that feel orchestrated. Keep your emotional boundaries strong and seek clarity in your feelings. Your emotions are yours to own, not someone else’s to play with.

22. Patronizing Comments

When things don’t go their way, a narcissist might slip into a tone of condescension, dishing out patronizing comments that make you feel small. It’s like being talked down to from a pedestal of imagined superiority.

This isn’t about wisdom; it’s a way of asserting control, making them feel bigger by making you feel smaller. It’s like wearing a crown that nobody else can see.

Don’t let it shrink you. Stand tall, and recognize the patronizing tone for what it is. Your worth isn’t measured by someone else’s words. Keep your confidence intact, and don’t be afraid to call out belittling behavior politely.

23. Unwarranted Boasting

When plans fail, a narcissist might turn to unwarranted boasting, recounting past achievements to overshadow present failures. It’s like a highlight reel that plays on loop, distracting from the current scene.

This boasting isn’t just an ego boost; it’s a defense mechanism, a way to reclaim lost pride by basking in previous glory. It’s like holding up a trophy that might no longer be relevant.

Appreciate the stories, but don’t lose sight of the now. Acknowledge their past successes, but stay focused on the present situation. Past victories are great, but they don’t solve today’s challenges. Keep the conversation grounded in reality.

24. Refusal to Apologize

Apologies? For some narcissists, they’re as rare as unicorns. When things go wrong, you might notice a distinct lack of ‘sorry’ in the air. It’s like waiting for rain in a desert—often, it just doesn’t come.

This isn’t about pride; it’s about maintaining an image of infallibility. Admitting fault would shatter the facade of perfection they strive to uphold. It’s easier to sidestep the issue entirely.

Don’t hold your breath waiting for an apology. Accept it might not come, and find closure in your way. Sometimes, peace comes from letting go, not from hearing ‘I’m sorry.’ Your journey doesn’t need to hinge on words left unsaid.

25. Reinventing the Story

When events don’t align with their narrative, a narcissist might start reinventing the story, rewriting history to fit their version of events. It’s like turning a page only to find the story has changed.

This isn’t just embellishment; it’s a complete reconstruction of shared experiences, often leaving others scratching their heads. It’s a tale that sounds familiar yet oddly different.

Stay grounded in your truth. You know the story as it happened, and it doesn’t change just because someone else wants it to. Hold onto your perspective, and don’t be afraid to assert it when necessary. Your story deserves to be heard.

26. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

When direct confrontation feels too risky, a narcissist might opt for passive-aggressive behavior, expressing dissatisfaction in subtle, indirect ways. It’s like reading between the lines of a book that never says what it means.

This isn’t just about avoiding conflict; it’s a way to communicate displeasure while maintaining a facade of civility. It’s like leaving crumbs of discontent for you to follow.

Address it with care. Recognize the signs and choose to engage directly, inviting a more honest conversation. Passive-aggression thrives in silence, so breaking the cycle starts with open, respectful dialogue. Keep your communication clear and sincere.

27. Dramatic Exit

When tensions rise, a narcissist might make a grand exit, storming out of the room in a theatrical display. It’s like the curtain falling on an act that leaves everyone in stunned silence.

This dramatic departure isn’t just about leaving; it’s a statement, a way to leave an indelible mark on the situation. The silence that follows is as loud as the exit itself.

Let them go, but don’t let the drama dictate your response. Stay calm, and maintain your composure. When they come back—and they often do—you’ll be ready to continue on your terms, not theirs. It’s your scene, too, after all.

28. Sudden Overconfidence

In the face of failure, a narcissist might project sudden overconfidence, strutting with a bravado that feels almost rehearsed. It’s like watching someone don a superhero cape out of nowhere.

This isn’t genuine confidence; it’s a mask, a way to hide vulnerability and maintain their image. It’s an act that can be as exhausting as it is entertaining.

Enjoy the show, but don’t let it overshadow your perspective. True confidence is quiet and self-assured, not performative. Keep your focus on authenticity, appreciating confidence that’s grounded in reality, not fantasy.

29. Unexpected Generosity

When things go amiss, a narcissist might suddenly turn generous, bestowing unexpected gifts and favors upon those around them. It’s like Christmas morning, with surprises wrapped in layers of ulterior motives.

This generosity isn’t purely selfless; it’s often a strategic move to win back favor or regain control. It’s like a magician pulling rabbits out of hats, hoping to dazzle and distract.

Enjoy the moment, but remain discerning. Accept the kindness, but keep an eye on the bigger picture. Genuine generosity is consistent and unconditional, not just a response to unmet expectations. Remember, your worth isn’t tied to their gifts.

30. Withdrawal from Reality

When plans derail, a narcissist might retreat into their own world, withdrawing from reality. It’s like watching someone slip into a daydream, leaving the tangible world behind.

This isn’t just introspection; it’s a full retreat from uncomfortable truths. It’s as if they’ve pressed pause on the world, seeking solace in a space only they can inhabit.

Allow them their retreat, but stay connected to the moment. Your life continues, even if theirs feels paused. Maintain your presence and engage with the world around you. The journey doesn’t stop just because someone else wants to step off the path.

31. Detailed Denials

When things go wrong, a narcissist might offer detailed denials, crafting elaborate explanations to distance themselves from blame. It’s like listening to a carefully rehearsed alibi, complete with footnotes.

This isn’t just denial; it’s a performance, an attempt to rewrite reality with an air of credibility. The details become dense, an intricate web designed to ensnare doubt.

Listen politely, but hold onto your perspective. Facts remain facts, regardless of the narrative woven around them. Stay clear and concise in your response, and don’t get tangled in the intricacies of their denials. Truth has its own power, unburdened by embellishment.

32. Overwhelming Need for Control

When chaos ensues, a narcissist might display an overwhelming need for control, micromanaging every detail in a desperate bid for order. It’s like watching someone rearrange deck chairs on a ship caught in a storm.

This isn’t efficiency; it’s a response to internal panic, a way to impose order on a world that feels unmanageable. It’s a dance of control that leaves others spinning.

Stay grounded, and don’t get swept up in the whirlwind. Recognize the behavior as a response to their internal state, and maintain your own sense of balance. You can be organized without losing sight of the bigger picture. Balance is key.